· BIG ISSUES ·
Traveller’s Guilt and thoughts on how to manage it
Scribbled by Claire ◊ 06 Sep 2024
Are you a traveller? Do you sometimes feel guilty about travelling? Well, I am and I do, a lot. It’s something I’m trying to explore – why do people feel guilty about travelling, should they feel guilty about travelling, and if there’s anything we can do about it.
Guilt. It is with me, all day, every day for a variety of often obscure and unfathomable reasons.
Specifically travel, and particularly my form of long-term travel, gives me a guilty conscience, hard. My ambition of becoming a more conscious traveller means I consider my privilege and the world around me a lot, possibly to my detriment.
Have you ever been on a trip and felt the unpleasant, stomach-dropping pang from some unrecognisable emotion? I get it frequently and trying to unravel the cause is complicated.
Traveller’s guilt may be the most “first-world” (I hate that term) of all the problems out there, but it’s a real feeling, nonetheless. (I did see someone on Instagram asking if they should buy a $200 outdoor sofa for their dog recently, so maybe not the *most* “first-world problem”).
Over the past couple of years, my conscience has run away with itself so much that I questioned if all this travel and my chosen lifestyle is even worth it.
After much contemplation, my conclusion is that it is worth it, and here is why.
IN THIS GUIDE //
Traveller’s Guilt
ABOUT ME AND MY SHORTCOMINGS
WHAT IS TRAVELLER’S GUILT?
MY TRAVELLER’S GUILT – BREAKING IT DOWN
– THE BIG REASONS
– THE SMALLER REASONS
DOES MY TRAVELLERS GUILT MEAN I’M DOING SOMETHING WRONG?
WHAT TO DO ABOUT TRAVELLER’S GUILT
WHY TRAVEL DESPITE THE GUILT?
FINAL THOUGHTS
This post may contain affiliate links. If you book through these links we may make a small commission at zero cost to you. It helps us pay for the upkeep of this blog. Thank you!
About Me and My Shortcomings
First up, I’m probably not the most well equipped to describe all these emotions or determine the reasons behind them. If you’re here for any form of actual valuable advice, then you may be in the wrong place. My emotional depth is more akin to a paddling pool when this article requires an ocean.
Never mind, we must work with what we’ve got.
I can however accurately describe my overwhelming love for milkshakes, discount stickers in supermarkets, craft beers, pizza, and dogs (not eating them). I’m at that level of emotional maturity if this helps you decide whether to continue reading.
Describing how and why we feel the way we do is extremely subjective anyway, so here is my best effort.
OTHER THINGS I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT
1 – PUSHING MY SISTER OFF THE SOFA HEAD FIRST WHEN I WAS THREE
2 – TAKING SHORT HAUL FLIGHTS TO AVOID A 2,394 HOUR BUS
3 – BUYING COKE IN PLASTIC BOTTLES
4 – HEARING THE ALARM IN THE MORNING AND PRETENDING I DIDN’T
5 – BINGE WATCHING ‘NEVER HAVE I EVER’ ON NETFLIX
6 – DELAYING A ROLLERCOASTER FROM STARTING BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO BE SICK
7 – INSISTING MY HOUSEMATE LEAVE WORK TO SAVE ME FROM A SPIDER
–
What is Traveller’s Guilt?
Simply put, it is your conscience making you feel a sense of guilt because you travel. The source of these complex emotions can be a plethora of things that happen when you go on a trip:
◊ Leaving sick, worried, or lonely relatives (or pets)
◊ Seeing your privilege and economic status in an unfair world
◊ Diminishing health or finances due to your choice of trip
◊ Deserting people at home with their ‘daily grind’, nightmare children and household bills
◊ Bankrupting yourself and not putting any money into a pension
◊ Impacting on the environment and culturally degrading communities
◊ Maybe, you just feel guilty for not making the most of your time when you were abroad – if you didn’t see every sightseeing location, then was it worth it?
There are loads more sources of guilt (unfortunately) and we will all have a individual combination of reasons.
Traveller’s guilt can affect people that work 9 to 5 who vacation twice a year, just the same as expats who live overseas permanently. It can certainly affect the ‘digital nomad’ transient type people such as me. It doesn’t inflict just one type of traveller – age, gender, ethnicity, nationality; it doesn’t matter. On your next trip, you could quite possibly feel some sense of guilt, even if you didn’t previously.
This guilt can have physical manifestations and can exhibit with similar symptoms to anxiety; in fact, it can be the cause of your anxiety. It is not uncommon to feel nausea – I do when I think about all the many things that I feel bad about. It can even be a result of travel burnout, too.
My Traveller’s Guilt – Breaking It Down
My list of reasons for feeling guilty are extensive. I’m sure there are many people out there who feel far less of these than me, but if you’ve somehow ended up on this post, then maybe you can identify with some of them. I guess it is also worth noting that these feelings are not always rational or even slightly justifiable.
Minds work in a truly incomprehensible way.
I’m hyper-aware of how my lifestyle makes other people feel
I struggle to discuss my goals with people at home who I know work hard and despise their jobs. It is complicated being ‘that person’ who always appears to have such a carefree life (although this is not an accurate portrayal of my chaotic, drama-filled life). The guilt comes from knowing that although I find this difficult, the people we leave behind have it more difficult.
Nick described this one as being like survivor’s guilt, and I can see why.
I’m (Relatively) Rich
I’m not wealthy in a millionaire, yacht-owning, saffron-infused caviar, $200 dog sofa kind of way, but on a global scale I’m pretty minted. I also come from a country that has all my healthcare and educational needs covered. I can’t shake the discomfort I feel when my money goes a very long way and host communities lack the benefits I have. That financial privilege is awkward – no other way to describe it.
The disquiet from this hits hardest when I am at my absolute happiest. A comfortable, untroubled lifestyle, even just for a few weeks, is out of reach for most. It’s a sadness that manifests habitually when you are feeling at your most grateful.
I feel guilty for being middle class, white and British
This one is obvious. I recognise the privilege my economic and ethnic background grants me, along with my passport.
If you haven’t heard of the term, passport privilege determines the ease at which you can move throughout the world purely from the benefit of possessing a passport for a specific nationality. For example, as a United Kingdom passport holder, I have easy access to 186 countries, compared with someone from Nepal who has only 38. This striking difference between countries is worth considering every time you have the privilege of breezing through passport control with an e-visa.
Currently, there is only one country I am unable to visit but wish I could, which is Iran. This feels like such an injustice until I consider the challenges other nationalities face. Just think, this doesn’t even take into account that just by having a passport, you are one of the fortunate ones.
I don’t want to write in detail about how race impacts an individual’s experience of travel here. It’s worthy of an entire post. I am also probably not the best person to write it – there are lots of blogs out there by wonderful writers who hold a perspective I could never have. I know that being white grants me opportunities, comforts, and security that others do not have so easily. Nobody gets to choose how they are born – I was just very fortunate that my life has been mostly easy, for which I am grateful. With that gratitude inevitably follows guilt.
I feel guilty about being a voyeur on somebody else’s life
We sometimes travel to see people different from ourselves. We take photos of cormorant fishermen in Guilin; ladies in traditional dress in the Guatemalan highlands; native Americans cooking frybread and selling jerky; robed men praying at the rock churches of Lalibela, Ethiopia. None of those activities are unusual or interesting to the people who live there, yet we observe, sometimes capturing those moments on camera.
To me, it feels like an invasion into somebody’s day-to-day life which we would never tolerate in our own. People are not there for a tourist’s entertainment. Living culture should not generally be produced on demand for tourists (in my opinion). The search for perceived authenticity can be harmful, which makes me feel guilty.
I have guilt that results explicitly from how unsustainable travel is
It is not possible to travel and avoid the consequences from the transport that I use and the waste I leave behind. The climate crisis is real, and I have to own my part in that. This is another issue that deserves more words than this post can provide.
The Smaller Reasons
Responsibility | I feel guilty about being 40 years old and (debatably irresponsibly) spending all my money on travel. This results in having no savings, safety net, or pension (so I’m not really that rich in the Western scheme of things). The requirement to have this financial security is ingrained in you from a young age – I am a failure because I have accumulated so little in terms of assets.
England | I feel guilty about disliking my own country and not wanting to ever come home. It is entrenched in citizens to love their country – a hopefully wholesome patriotism (not the American exceptionalism type, obviously – there’s absolutely nothing healthy about that). I just don’t feel it and never have; I also feel bad because I cannot understand why other people do.
Pity | I feel guilty that conditions other people live in are so abhorrent to me, yet normal to them. I don’t want to pity people – it’s degrading to their lives and potentially offensive. It is not my place to judge anyone in their home. I’m working on my mindset always to try and address this.
Well being | there is a guilt associated with health when travelling. My wellbeing takes a bit of toll in certain environments abroad. One time, I got shingles in Malaysia and the doctor said it was because my immune system was shot (I thoroughly do not recommend this experience). At times, we drink more alcohol, struggle to eat as healthily (we certainly find it almost impossible to be vegan) and we exercise less (depending on the nature of our trip).
Motives | I feel guilty for being overly suspicious. People may just want to be kind, but I question the motive of most who speak to me. Especially if they are being helpful – I’m so skeptical of people when I know I am categorised as rich. I’ve got to drop the cynicism (although often my wariness is well-placed).
Missed events | there is a feeling of mild guilt every time I receive an invite: wedding, birthday, baby, graduation? Nope, not going to be there for it – might not even see the Whatsapp message.
Family | my familial guilt is minimal but is always floating around in the background (does that make me a terrible person?). We weren’t around when my parents were sick or when Nick’s grandma died. We missed both our grandparents’ funerals. This is not something that hugely weighs on me – whatever that says about my (likely unhealthy) psyche. From my research though, missing family is one of the significant causes of guilt for other travellers.
Does My Travel Guilt Mean I’m Doing Something Selfish?
Certainly, travelling and spending most of my time abroad is something I want to do, so yes, in part, it is a selfish decision. This probably applies to most people who make choices that are benefiting themselves despite the wellbeing of others.
I actively choose this way of life regardless of any negatives listed above. I think about this decision in the same vein as people who choose to have children. Is it selfish? Yes, people have children for themselves because they want to have a child, despite the adverse aspects. But people still choose to have children, everyday.
To travel is, fundamentally, a selfish choice, as it is chosen despite the known downsides. Negative aspects like leaving your dog at a kennel, taking your kids out of school, eating way too much, damaging the environment, or spending more money than you should.
However, the concept that we should all make the exact same decisions in life is also clearly flawed. Charles Evans Hughes, an American politician, put it succinctly:
“When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free”
Being selfish is a natural behaviour and is, at least partly, about self-preservation. We can all be a little selfish (I think we, as humans, innately are anyway) whilst also balancing our choices for the good of others and the world in general.
Does the Guilt Mean I’m Doing Something Wrong?
Making selfish decisions doesn’t necessarily mean that we are doing something actively *wrong*.
Some argue that nobody should feel guilty about challenging themselves to achieve what they most want (this is a very individualistic take on things). However, the answer gets more complicated when the by-product of what we want to achieve could harm others. The destruction caused by unsustainable travel is an example, and where my eco-guilt feels justified.
Travel can also be fundamentally good for both the hosts and travellers, which means it could be argued that it is not exclusively a selfish act. The famous quote by Mark Twain puts it better than I can:
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”
I’v always thought that this statement is an oversimplification (many people who travel are still, somehow, utterly oblivious to the world around them). However, travel is certainly a way to challenge stereotypes, bigotry and enhance empathy.
God knows, the world could do with more of all of that right now.
What To Do About Traveller’s Guilt
Well, not much, it seems.
I’ve been stewing in my guilt for years now (obviously I’m super mentally heathy because of this). Occasionally I discuss it in the hope of lessening it to some extent, but this never helps. I wonder if it is partly due to the fact that I do not know of anyone else that feels it as extremely I do?
The more I reflect on my traveller’s guilt, the more I realise that it isn’t just about travel, it’s about everything that is wrong with the world, particularly things that I do not directly suffer from. The vast majority of which I cannot fix.
It’s not all doom and gloom though, here are a few things you can do:
Acknowledge | understand that you are not going to change the poverty or problems in a country with your visit. Your emotions will also not fix anything, and more likely upset and offend people. Even your money will not resolve things (unless maybe you’re Bill Gates, that smug spaceman twat from Amazon or that Tesla dickhead).
This is not to say we shouldn’t try, but to think we alone can change the world is misguided.
Feelings | understand and acknowledge that your feelings are real and valid. Traveller’s guilt is definitely a privileged issue, but ignoring it just because you have privilege isn’t effective. Your life may often be idyllic, but does not mean you should not feel guilt, depression or shame. Plus, you’re not the only one that feels this way.
Unrelated issues | you might feel sad or anxious about something unrelated to your travels, but your emotions are just targeting the fact you are travelling right now. Kind of like feeling traveller’s guilt as a deflection for something else. Consider other areas of your life to see if there are any issues you can work on to resolve.
Go green | environmentally, there are many practical things you can do while continuing to travel. Attempting to make your trip more sustainable will often save you money, give you a different viewpoint and help the environment and the communities you visit. It’s a win-win for the world *and* your eco-guilt.
Slow travelling | slowing down wherever possible gives you a chance to do things more ethically and sustainably, all while avoiding that nightmare traveller burnout so many of us (guiltily) complain about.
Loved ones | do you miss family or pets, or do you feel guilty about them worrying about or missing you? Dedicating more time to video-calling them might help (I am no expert on this one and, honestly, I don’t fully get the notion of video chatting with your pet rabbit or cat).
Discover ways of alleviating the fears of family members (if they have any); things like getting the best insurance. Show them examples of people travelling just like you (there are always more extreme examples out there, no matter how crazy your travel plans are – the internet is a terrifying place).
If you miss your dog, maybe volunteering with dogs might help you a little (I have no idea as I am, regrettably, without dog).
Outsider | if you feel like an uncomfortable voyeur during your trip, try talking to local people more. As an outsider initially looking in, taking that step to integrate as much as possible often helps. It demonstrates that people do not always perceive you in the way you perceive yourself. And you’ll feel less like a guilty observer.
Money | if your financial privilege makes you feel as guilty as you feel grateful, consider researching community-led organisations that you can donate or volunteer time with. Speak to people more in-the-know and listen to experts and residents on the issues people face.
Also, be aware that where you put your money is your politics when you travel – be careful not to fund anything that you do not agree with (as best you can). This keeps at least a part of my guilt brain in check.
This is just a tiny list of things anybody could do depending on the reason for their guilt and the length of their trip. Write down all the things that bother you – does anything has a feasible solution?
Why Travel Despite the Guilt?
Travel isn’t a waste of time (at least for me) so it’s worth doing, despite the guilt.
Increasing Empathy
I am, without a doubt, a nicer, more empathetic and understanding human being due to the amount I have travelled. I can offer the people around me (and I guess the world, although that sounds a teeny bit arrogant) far more because of it. Travel absolutely kills stereotypes and shows us more of the world as it actually is, outside of our little bubbles that we exist in.
As a simple example, I have seen first-hand what extreme poverty is and what the impact that destruction of local ecosystems has. I’ve also witnessed mismanaged tourism ventures and spoken with people abroad about their family’s hardships. Before seeing these things in person, I cared a lot less. Distance can be dangerous for apathy.
Honestly, I really, really appreciate being able to drink water directly from the tap in my home country. Sometimes it’s just the small things.
The guilt will never really wane when there are so many all over the world that will never have the choice to change their lives in a meaningful way. Until upward mobility is an equal opportunity across the world, there will always be people left behind.
I’m glad that at least I’m not in denial about it.
Gained Perspectives
Gaining perspectives through travel is an especially important aspect for me. Yes, sometimes it’s beers on the beach, but it’s rarely *just* that.
I desperately want the people around me to aim higher; and this doesn’t have to be in terms of travel. Challenging themselves, enhancing their lives through meaningful learning and then lifting other people up with them. Learning that this daily grind shit is just not what any human being should have to tolerate is (even if it is what previous generations say they did – that doesn’t make it right).
Final Thoughts – Traveller’s Guilt
This post is just the ramblings of someone who has a conscience, as most of us do. In a world as unjust as ours, it should not come as a surprise that so many people feel guilty. Living your life in a way that makes you happy but that also alleviates that feeling of guilt is not an easy task – sometimes what makes you happiest also makes you the most guilty.
It’s something I personally am still working pretty hard on. I have learnt to associate my guilt with gratitude; they almost always come as a pair.
I wonder – am I overthinking things, or do others underthink?
Hi, thanks for visiting our blog! If this post has been of help to you, or you’ve just enjoyed our random ramblings and musings, say thank you by buying us a coffee! It helps keep The Restless Beans blog up and running.
Thank you, Claire + Nick
I am so glad to have found this article. I find me having these moments of guilt and sadness when I am traveling to a place that I have dreamed of and payign for my vacation through my hard earned money. I guess I am not the only one. I could say it is the guilt of not making the same choices of what is “normal”. And the voices in my head saying, “You went there last year or this spring. Isnt that enouhg? How much else you want to travel before getting serious about life?”.
Thank you for sharing your thoguhts and writing this beautiful heartfelt article.
Thank you for your comment, I’m so, so happy to hear that this article helped you. It’s something I was struggling with for a long time and it took a while to put it into words. Keep doing whatever makes you happy – if that is travel then don’t give up! You can be serious about life and also travel. I genuinely hope that you achieve your dreams and keep doing whatever excites you. Wishing you all the best.
I feel so guilty sometimes! Mostly because of the environmental impact but also because how unfair it sometimes seems that I have the opportunity to travel and holiday multiple times a year while some of my friends will never have the money nor the time. I try to tell myself that environmentally the only difference I would make by not travelling is that I wouldn’t be happy, but obviously if everyone thought like that it would be terrible! I try to do fewer but longer trips (as opposed to the extended weekend trips in my twenties), but my carbon footprint is still pretty bad.
Thanks so much for your comment – I completely understand where you are coming from! There are so many facets to my guilt – one of which, like you say, is that if everyone thought as I did, environmentally the world would be a bit of a disaster (I guess this is where we celebrate that, as humans, we are all amazingly varied!). We also do the same as you – fewer but long trips – which is better but ultimately, still bad, right? We’ve kind of coming to terms with a lot of our guilt, and offset it as best we can by trying to be thoughtful humans (as much as possible!). I hope you can find a way to deal with it – it’s a tricky one to manage.
I don’t think you should worry about your carbon footprint traveling. Just think about all the people commuting to work, spewing diesel or petrol exhaust into the air for 2 hours a day, 345 days a year.
Thank you for this! I am currently packing for a week trip for the first time in a while. I’ve had this pang of guilt alongside the normal anxiety of forgetting something or the soon to be unknown!
But you are right in that there is nothing much you can do other than address other areas that might feed into that guilt.
I feel less alone in this unusual feeling!
Hi KatyB! I’m genuinely so happy that my ramblings can be of some help in some way! I hope you have a fantastic time on your upcoming trip, despite the guilt you feel – I always manage to enjoy it in the end 🙂
You thought long and hard about that one. There’s a way out of the guilt.
Thanks for your comment – you’re right, I think (too) long and hard about everything! It’s probably why I always feel so guilty…. 🙂
Hey there
A very wise elder once told me Do what you want but DON’T feel guilty about it.
That was not his way of saying that you could get away with acting any old way. Not at all.
What he meant was that if youre feeling guilty then there’s a mismatch between what you’re doing and what you want to be doing. Maybe you need to think long and hard about that one.
Blessings of the day
This helps me a lot. I have a long distance boyfriend who doesnt gotta chance to travel much like me. And every long holiday makes me feel so guilty about it even when he seems to be okay about it. But still im super anxious. And also the fact that my career is not stable yet. But I think you right when saying we must go to the roots of the insecurity, not just travelling
Having been travelling and working remotely for 3.5 years now, this is SO relatable on so many levels. My grandad also passed away while I was in The Philippines. I’ve had friends go through pregnancy and have the baby whilst I’ve been away and I never even saw them pregnant. I have two young nieces and have missed a lot of big milestones. I see the impact we have on the world whilst travelling on planes, using plastic bottles, not forgetting price increases in accommodations making it impossible for locals to live there. I literally never talk about my travels to friends and family at home. AGGHHHHHHHHH. This probably isn’t help you or me at the point with all my rambling. But at least we are not alone. And I do absolutely love my life and definitely want to give back more with things like beach clean ups and supporting local communities. This comment has no purpose but there we go!
Yes, this is everything I felt and didn’t have words for and more!
Hi,
Thanks for your comment 🙂